Dream Journal | Sleep Paralysis Parade

The dreams I'll be sharing with you on here are not just dreams to me. These are night terrors that have left a lasting impression on my everyday life.

Every once in a while, I come out of these dreams not entirely sure what was real and what wasn't, because my dreams bleed into reality so often.

Sometimes, even at this older age, I am still afraid to fall asleep; out of fear that I will go back to one of these fucked up places where everything is trying to kill me. This is often, honestly, but some of them are WAY less manageable than others.

It is not rare for me to have reoccurring nightmares/dream-spaces, especially if something has been unresolved.

And you think, "oh, just wake up."

Can't.

"Ah, it's just a dream."

Nope.

These dreams are like taking the worst shock-value gore horror you can find, amping up the intensity, and then inserting yourself into driver's seat as the main prey of the movie/show. BUT then, you discover: Fu- this isn't a movie/show, this hurts. A lot.

Not only do these dreams cause great distress, they're actually painful.... physically so. I've carried bitten fingers into reality, the pain lingering most of the day; woken up with scratches and cuts and nosebleeds; sleep screaming is not outside of the realm of commonality.

"Just take medication."

Tried that. Medication doesn't work. It doesn't even put me to sleep. It turns my brain numb, and the I'm just kind of there, wide awake, a zombie, still cognitive but not able to move. And when I go into the dream worlds, they're not black; I get trapped.

So... who cares? Idk, I guess, maybe, you, because you've come this far. Correct?

Either way, I don't care.

I share it with you because it’s weird and kind of neat, and don’t you ever wonder what people face in their dreams?

I do.

Constantly.

This dream journal entry I'm about to share unleashed a weird pandora's box of endless dream-slaughter attempts from a cast of strange nightmare creatures and characters.

I had night terrors before this, mainly ocean creature and forest focused; but after this one happened, it pivoted drastically into running for my damn life every night.

As A Heads Up

Some of my dreams are inescapably and incredibly violent and gruesome. I will add a warning in RED at the start before I post anything like that... They're pretty bad and I'd hate for one of you to be triggered.

The one I’m about to share with you today is a the dream that started the phenomenon where I started realizing I was maybe losing control of the dream world, as it crashed into my reality.

It’s not violent or gruesome, so don’t worry; but it is pretty weird.

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Dream Journal Entry 1: Sleep Paralysis Parade 

When I was young, maybe 8-9, I used to have this reoccurring dream that I was running from from a giant round boulder, that was always about to crush me (I blame this on Crash Bandicoot).

This dream was like a default dream for my brain, if my brain couldn’t think of anything else to torment me with that night, it would throw this lame-ass boulder dream at me (I say lame, but apparently it used to make me scream in my sleep… so. Anyways.)

After a while, my sleeping-self got pretty used to this dream to the point where I would just often dream of "nothing", instead--maybe I was still having it--I don't know. Apparently people don't dream of nothing--but not remembering it.

One thing about me is, when I was younger, I would often sleep in my mom's [and her boyfriend's] bed because horrendous little toy-like creature would come out of my closet or out from under my bed at night and scratch my skin, stab me with little weapons, and tie me down so I couldn't move and defend myself or scream for help or.... yeah, you get it.

Dear, DreamWorks Pictures and Universal Pictures,

Thank you, for creating Small Soldiers [1998], apparently one of the most terrifying movies to ever be released upon the 90's--for an imaginative, overthinking small 7-8 year old child like me.

Cheers, you hoes.

That being said, the night this weird parade thing took place, I was sleeping in my mom's bed. I think I had migrated there in the morning after her boy friend has gone to work, because he wasn't home and I was in his place.

Early that morning, during a semi-blank sleep, I could tell it was almost time to wake up. Could see it through the veil, the light peaking through. I wasn't ready yet, the alarm hadn't gone off, so I drifted back into the dreamworld where there was a parade happening; and I thought to myself, "what fun. To wake up with a parade. No dreams most of the night, but now this."

Until I realized I was a part of the parade, on display, in fact; and--when you've already been surviving terrible dream worlds for years now--one often has a sixth sense for when an good/okay dream is about to get ugly, nightmare, crazy-pants.

So, I said to myself, "I don't like where this is going. I'm going to wake up now," only to discover I was actually stuck between the waking and the sleeping world.

In a layering of worlds, I could see the waking world through my eyes--the sunlight, the ceiling, my mother's vanity, the alarm about to chime 7AM. Slightly out of body--but I was taking part in the dream world, seeing it, hear it, smelling it... about to skip nightmare and hope-skip-jump straight on to Elm Street--lucid night terror stylez.

But I tried, and I grasped to as much of reality as I could. I struggled to try and sit up or move my hand; I could only flex my stomach muscles, as though I were about to sit up, and twitch my fingers.

All the while I could vaguely hear someone shouting, “Stop! Someone stop her! Don’t let her out!” angry and panicked shouting, commanding, demanding. Stakes on the line.

(Steak even, maybe? No, I'm only kidding.)

After a long minute of trying, I was too tired to resist; so I fell back into dream world where the darkness around me changed to a two-tiered, blue parade float.

I stood on the front of the float coming to terms with the new dream, looking out upon the sea of the faceless, cheering crowd.

Another me--it looked like me, so much, but she was older and her hair was a rich reddish auburn; distinct in stature, confident in nature, aggressive in action--sat atop the second tier of the float, in a large chair, embellished thrown-like chair; waving to the people who I could now hear but no longer see.

I thought I was free to move around, but when I tried to take a step in her direction, I was suddenly bound. Ropes that weren't there before now surrounding and squeezing me in place.

“I  need to wake up now,” I spoke to her over the cheering crowd, and even from our distance she could hear me clearly.

“You’re not going to. You’re staying here, forever; and I will finally wake up!” She shouted like a grand, factual statement--like the hightail end of a ritualistic incantation--her arms rising up in triumph, her downward gaze on the crowd as they all cheered louder and louder.

Confetti fell then. I remember that well enough.

The ropes around me got tighter before they squirmed, turning to snakes squeezing the breath from my lungs.

Every time I exhaled, the snakes gripped tighter, and I couldn’t inhale deeper than they allowed.

Suddenly, the whole float was covering in snakes, squeezing and biting me. I couldn’t breath at all anymore, and the dream started to get dark again but not empty dream dark... It felt like something beyond that.

I could see the other self standing on the top of the float laughing, and occasionally pointing at me; I could see and hear the crowd laughing at me.

Then the alarm clock rang through. I could hear it, once again see vaguely into reality, but not wake from the dream. So I did the only thing I was able to, I lifted my hand as much as I could, and smacked my mom asleep next to me.

This woke her up, angry and yelling, which successfully woke me up; and as it pulled me out of the dream, I could hear the other me scream, “Noooooo!”

I could see the crowd's angry faces scowling.

And then I was awake, on the flat of my back, just staring at the ceiling; my mom yelling at me.

Worth it.

I didn't sleep well for 3 days after that one, and any time I got a whiff of dream world I woke up immediately.

Anyways... Bye, for now. \\//

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Have a crazy dream story?

Share it in the comments below! I’d love to hear it.

Seriously… please, tell me I’m not the only one.

[Discover any spelling mistakes or weird sentences? No... no, you didn't.]